Tilt, Roll Over, Play Dead

A few feet down the line, a Hispanic girl anxiously awaited a pink Barbie sports car, as her brother proudly examined his Star Warsaction figure and hot-rod car. A few feet away, their mother picked up a multicolored blanket and a bottle of water.

Outside the heavily guarded exit fence, dozens of other families regrouped, seemingly oblivious to the two-story-high stack of empty boxes, orange peels, puddles of water and rows of homeless men seated on blankets. One repeat customer tried to re-enter through the back. Security guards pleasantly turned the man away. Another, older man tried to come in the exit by claiming his car was parked on the other side of the charity display. A guard apologized but told the man he’d have to walk around.

Williams made her way toward the shampoo-and-conditioner pack, then, with her shopping cart full and niece Tracy asleep among the toys, picked up her final gift: a bag of groceries including a whole chicken, macaroni and cheese, rice, beans, oranges, and peanuts.

“Everybody gets something today,” she said exuberantly as she strolled off down the street.

“It was a blessing,” said Terry Valenzuela, waiting for her children next to a stack of ripped-up cardboard boxes. “I just got laid off from work. I really appreciate the people taking the time. I really couldn’t have gotten my kids gifts otherwise.”

—Christine Pelisek

Have Yourself a Fairy Little Christmas

“Basically, it’s a smut fest,” impresario Ronnie Larsen says of his new production, The XXX-Mas Show, at St. Genesius Theater in West Hollywood. “The dildo budget alone was over a thousand dollars.”

With the debut, also this year, of The Queer Nutcracker (“Dance of the Butches,” “The Dyke Ballet” and “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”) at Celebration Theater, L.A. does not lack for transgressive holiday entertainment. But The XXX-Mas Show brings don-you-now-your-gay-apparel fare to new levels of — well, the show’s poster probably says it best:

“There’s a new Christmas show in town and it’s nastier than the Grinch, nuttier than the Nutcracker and more hateful than Scrooge.”

The ads proclaim the “rude, crude and disgusting celebration of the holidays.”

Larsen’s extravaganza features the Love-Doll Tabernacle Choir in strap-on dildos and Larsen’s alter ego, TruckStop Sally, as the Virgin Mary, re-creating the birth of Jesus. The program carries a unique adult-content warning label (“Contains shocking displays of lesbian love acts and male nude figure skating”).

“Hell yes, there’s nudity,” Larsen guarantees. “And it’s gratuitous, too.” Oh, Mary.

TruckStop Sally bears some resemblance to the late, lamented Divine.

“I spent like two hours choreographing the numbers,” Larsen brags. “The show is totally disgusting and tasteless . . . I wanted to eat dog shit in the show, but I couldn’t find a dog willing to do six shows a week for no money.”

Queer Nutcrackerdirector Derek Livingston, also Celebration Theater’s newly named managing artistic director, predicts his show will “appeal to everyone in our community.”

Larsen’s show is a bit less inclusive. “Jesus Christ used to hang out with whores, so I thought this show was a good way to honor him,” he says.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

—Michael Kearns