By Besha Rodell
By Patrick Range McDonald
By Michael Goldstein
By Dennis Romero
By Sarah Fenske
By Matthew Mullins
By Patrick Range McDonald
By LA Weekly
Photo by Michael PowersFor the past year, LaMonica Rhys-Jones has been forced to reveal aspects of her relationship with the president of the United States. In these pages, for the first time, she has chosen to tell her story, from the first private flirtation with the president to the very public aftermath. Here we bring you LaMonica in her own words.
L.A. WEEKLY: You have been described as a bimbo, stalker and seductress. Describe yourself.
LAMONICA: I am a very beautiful and gifted woman. I don't believe in limiting myself. If I put my mind to it, I can climb the highest oyster.
What initially brought you to Washington? Did you have an interest in politics?
As a child I dreamed of living in the city named after the father of our country. And yes, I am very much interested in the political process, especially the field of nuclear politics.
You and the president engaged in intense flirting. What does intense flirting entail?
It's the kind of flirting one does with hungry eyes and a dry mouth.
November 15, 1995, the government is shut down that day. You and the president are alone in the Chief of Staff's office. You lift your dress and show the president your thong bikini underwear. Where did you get the nerve to pull such a stunt?
I had just bought a brand-new, green Day-Glo thong bikini with apache fringe and a mesh heart-shaped cutout, and I thought the president would appreciate seeing how admirable I looked in it.
That evening the president invited you to be alone with him. What did you say?
"I'm sorry if I accidentally spilled cocoa butter on Mr. Panetta's desk."
When the president kissed you what did you think?
That his breath had a peculiar metallic taste to it.
Did the president make you feel cheap?
Well, to be totally honest, I've always considered myself a little 35 cents.
Your second time with the president, did you take his shirt off?
Yes, and he has this wonderful pigeon chest, and a lovely pink, puffy, potato-pear shaped body.
You've always been self-conscious about your weight. Did the president make you feel good about your body?
The president likes a plus-size girl.
Did the president say why he was drawn to you?
He couldn't help notice me. I really fill up a room.
Did the president worry about somebody coming in and finding you in an uncomfortable position?
Frankly, there aren't many positions that would bring me discomfort, no matter who's coming.
From the very beginning, did you know you would have to lie about the affair?
It is impossible for me to lie. In Swahili, LaMonica means "she who can't lie."
Did the first lady know about your relationship with the president?
The more important question is, did the president know about my relationship with the first lady?
I don't want to get too personal, but was the president able to satisfy your needs?
I was emotionally, physically and patriotically gratified by the president.
What did the president get from you that he couldn't get from the first lady?
What was the exact nature of your physical relationship with the president?
[Vulgar facial expression
What possessed you to confide in Linda Tripp?
She told me she was a brilliant woman with an easygoing manner and inner graciousness. I believed her.
Are you on medication?
I've been taking small but liberal doses of Thorazine with a St. John's Wort chaser.
What about that cigar thing?
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
When will you get the famous "soiled dress" back?
When Mr. Starr gets tired of wearing it.