Beavis EnvySo whats the up-and-up with men fondling their privates in public? Maybe its a male way of showing support for Clinton. We popped round Mr. Ts, where the CACOPHONY SOCIETY put on an en-grossing "evening of hate and pathos" that included screenings of the prank-phone-call classic "Don From Lakewood" (you can rent it at Videoactive or Mondo Video) and a cooking set by THEE INSTAGON TOOL AND APPLIANCE ORCHESTRA (yep, they play tools and appliances). Anyway, there we were, innocently giggling at "Captain Beefheart for kids," as one wag described nutty nerd-rockers THREE DAY STUBBLE (whose singer, crammed into obscenely tight and painful-looking polyester trousers, had his own zipper problems, which he fixed with duct tape), when suddenly we noticed a gent quite obviously manhandling his meat while trying to catch the eye of any woman around. Yeah, honey, thatll get the girls every time. So much for the pathos part of the eve. Maybe he should have taken a tip from anti-poet, musician and trickster JOHN TRUBEE , who was offering a no-fooling Amtrak ticket to one lucky lady for an all-expenses-paid trip to Indio or somewhere like that. Or perhaps our pud-bud was paying tribute to Trubees vulgar ditty "Blind Mans Penis" (which Trubee sent off to a Nashville vanity label expecting a rejection letter; instead, it was accepted and recorded by a country-music "pro," all for a mere 80 bucks). Trubee ranted an inspiring motivational speech (watch out, Tony Robbins!) that could be summed up as "Live life to the fullest" and "Dont let the assholes give you shit." Words to live by for microtonal marvel KRAIG GRADY , Angel Dust Records archangel and former Pan promoter NANCY WHALEN , Flipsider GUS HUDSON , Hard Copy producer JANE CANTILLON with TV director RICHARD ROSS , bon-vivant JOE SEHEE , cutie-pie SUSAN LYNCH (hey fellows, shes single again), former Fibonaccis JOHN DENTINO and RON STRINGER with club promoter and peré extraordinaire CRAIG "Bunky" KIRCHHEIMER , novelist (and Weekly contributor) EDDIE LITTLE and DJ DON BOLLES , who chastised us for being unaware that hes been turning the tables on KBLT Saturday mornings from 10 a.m. til noon for the past six months. Now we know, and so do you!
Gotta Sing, Gotta DanceOkay, maybe we didnt pay, but if we had, we would have felt like wed got our moneys worth after the rock-em-sock-em L.A. premiere of Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk at the Ahmanson Theater (the party that followed at the Dorothy Chandler was quite tasty, too). George C. Wolfe, who conceived and directed Da Noise . . . Da Funk, has woven together through song and dance a tantalizing, telling tap-tap-tapestry of black history. Dancers DERICK K. GRANT (who re-created Savion Glovers original choreography), CHRISTOPHER A. SCOTT , JIMMY TATE and DOMINIQUE KELLEY razzled and dazzled (particularly with a kicking, clicking commentary on the travails of African-American men trying to hail a taxi in New York), drummers DENNIS J. DOVE and DAVID PETER CHAPMAN pounded and pulsated, and singer VICKILYN REYNOLDS sassed and soared. Tapping in on opening night were JIMMY SMITS , NATALIE COLE , JAMES COBURN , ANNA DEAVERE SMITH , LYNN REDGRAVE , HERBIE HANCOCK , EVA MARIE SAINT , BLAIR UNDERWOOD , ANDREA MARTIN , DAVID MARSHALL GRANT , LEA DeLARIA , ALFRE WOODARD , ZEV YARO SLAVKSY and legendary tapper FAYARD NICHOLAS .
Sea of LoveAnchors Away: Long Beachs Queen Mary was the unlikely site for a $100-to-$500-a-plate Police Watch benefit honoring O.J. liberator and Journey to Justice author JOHNNIE L. COCHRAN JR . The event, emceed by DANNY GLOVER and keynoted by fiery activist MICHAEL ZINZUN , concluded with the spectacle of well-heeled attendees stinking up their dinner clothes in the ornate ballroom to the mighty throb of GEORGE CLINTON & THE P-FUNK ALL-STARS . MARIO VAN PEEBLES summed up the vibe when he confessed to the mostly African-American gathering, "As a filmmaker, I may be overly sensitive about such things, but I cant decide whether were on the Titanic or Amistad." Highly Recommended!: Reserve Wednesday, May 13, now. The L.A. Weekly, the Conga Room and designer Eduardo Lucero are throwing a fun-tabulous fête, featuring Eduardos fall/holiday line, at the Conga Room to raise money for AIDS Healthcare Foundation. For a mere $25 (the entire proceeds from the door will go to AHF), youll get an exhilarating eve of fashion, food, music and stars. We cant tell you just how fun-tabulous it will be quite yet, but trust us you know how it is in Hollywood. Stay tuned . . . And thats the low life always in style, never in fashion.